


When It All Falls Down

by merbler (orphan_account)



Series: Supernatural One-shots [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-11-18 17:17:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11295156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/merbler
Summary: What if Dean really did kill Castiel?Driven by the Mark Of Cain, Dean can't stop himself as he runs the angel blade through Castiel's chest.





	1. 1- Couldn't Have

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally going to be a long and complex fic but... why not just kill castiel and end it? 
> 
> its always fun to break readers' hearts.

Castiel didn't want to hurt Dean. He had to remind himself the person who killed an innocent kid wasn't Dean. But even as Dean beat him until Castiel's face was bloodied and he could barely see, the angel could only see Dean. His Dean.

Dazed and bleeding, as the hunter rolled him over, Castiel tried one last time. If Dean cared for him, even a fraction of the amount that Castiel did for him, he wouldn't do it. But as Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes, the warm green was gone, and all he saw was a glimpse of a monster in his friend's body.

Fear finally settled in. Castiel grabbed his wrist weakly, rasping out, "Dean," Castiel voice faltered. "Please," The battered angel whispered, the word taking up the little power he had left. Blood trickled out of his mouth, his grip going limp. 

He saw Dean's expression harden, and the angel blade was raised over his head. Dean drove the weapon downward.

Castiel was too weak to make any sound besides a pained groan. The last thing the angel saw was Dean's face, devoid of all emotion besides rage. 

 

 

Sam returned to the bunker to three dead bodies. "Cas!"

The angel was covered in blood, his own angel blade stabbed into his chest. The floor and books around Castiel's body was covered in ash, and a burning smell lingered in the bunker air. 

The shadows of two battered wings were charred into the floor, a traditional angel death. 

 

Dean couldn't have done this.

 

 


	2. 2- Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds out what its like to kill your best friend, or possible lover, and then have to live without them.

Dean's exhaustion constantly clashed with his nightmares.

When he first returned to the bunker, back to normal, the nightmares were just Castiel's death on repeat. Like his brain was a broken record and the loop was placed on the worst part of the song. 

It then began to worsen. Dean used to wake up, emotions overwhelming him, but able to fall back asleep until the next nightmare woke him up again. Now, his dreams became Castiel begging him to stop- more than he had in reality. 

The angel pleaded for mercy every night and Dean had to watch himself completely ignore any feelings he had for Castiel as his dream self killed him without a second thought. 

Those nights, Dean would wake up in a cold sweat, still muttering to himself, begging himself to stop. He wouldn't be able go back to sleep after these.

Sam started to notice Dean's lack of sleep, the bags under his eyes darker and larger than ever before. Dean was exhausted, and couldn't focus on hunts. He barley ate, drank, or slept. He couldn't even bring himself to get drunk to ignore the pain.

Dean told himself he deserved to suffer. He didn't deserve the short break that whiskey would bring him. 

Sam tried his best to tell Dean it wasn't his fault. But the stubborn Winchester didn't listen.

 

After about a month, Dean's dreams became just of Castiel. Twisted memories of the angel.

Castiel fighting angels, calling for backup when Dean just stood and watched.

Castiel being consumed by Leviathans, Dean being the one to throw him as bait.

Castiel dying in Purgatory, begging Dean to take his hand, who pulled his arm out of reach.

Castiel falling into Metatron's trap, Dean insisting he should go and destroy the angels.

Castiel being thrown out of the bunker, starving on the streets as a human because Dean ran him out.

Castiel dying. Over and over again. In front of Dean. Because of Dean.

 

Dean got an hour of sleep each night because of those.

When he passed out during a werewolf hunt and nearly died, Sam had enough. He grounded Dean, not letting him hunt until he could forgive himself and get back on track.

Dean figured he would die before that happened. 

 

Still helping with research in the bunker, Dean's condition only got worse. 

Dean's self loathing had seeped into his dreams, which consisted of Castiel yelling what Dean constantly believed about himself.

 

Traitor.

Useless.

Idiot. 

Killer.

Disappointment.

Failure.

 

The words coming out of Castiel's mouth rather than his own made Dean feel even worse. 

Which didn't help at all. Not sleeping for four or five days straight, Dean barely held onto his sanity.

 

 

 

He couldn't have done this. He couldn't have caused this.

 

But he did. And now Dean had to suffer the consequences.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! c:


End file.
